DV Vale and Valiantitus had met before, so it was left to DV Vale to bring him along with us. Neither of us had met Vale66 so by the means of email we told him where we'd be and told him to come and meet up with us if he wanted to...

And so, roll on to Saturday night - Newcastle under Lyme Town Centre, just North of Stoke on Trent, Pubs, clubs and bar's a plenty in this neck of the woods and it normally makes for a good night. I go up there to Yates, along with a couple of other people both me and DV know and we get the drinking under way, waiting for the arrival of DV and The Wise One, as well as Vale66.

DV Vale and Valiantitus arrive half an hour late (still no sign of Vale66 at this point, add to this the fact we've never met him before but he'd promised he'd find us?!) This is my first confrontation with Valiantitus... in the flesh, as it were...

To describe him... Around 6 foot 3 inches, strangely built, shaven head, doesn't have glasses anymore.. Looks only slightly like his picture, but the eyes are spot on... Dress sense - hideous brown trousers, white shirt ... just about socially acceptable for an evening out...

First impression is he's being very coy, a bit silent in fact. He soon livens up though and his voice can be heard even over the music and entertainment. For the record he did talk how he writes (within reason), and he is pretty much a match of his internet persona (though tamed down a little) .. He refused to drink alcoholic substance at first, having water instead, though after a while we tempted him with some Smirnoff Ice, which seemed to hit the spot for him....

All in all it's a good evening and Valiantitus is quite a sound person and a good lad, we keep on drinking and we're all having a fair bit. I don't know how the next bit happens buit Vale66 does meet up with us. I don't realise that it's him at first (bare in mind its loud, its packed and we're all pretty much in the realms of drunken Saturday night behavior at this stage. I'm eventually told 'That's the other one from the internet, by one of our party on a trip to the toilets.

Vale66, to describe him. Around 5 foot 9 I'd say, just a bit shorter than me, has a gut on him. He's not the picture in the rogues gallery (we knew that anyway though), but he does look similar (take away the huge nose). (sorry Kett Cobb but he actually looks more like a fatter version of you!!!).. He's dressed pretty normally, can't rermember much about it really so it wasn't anything ott (I'd expected him to go clubbing in a Vale shirt!!). Personality wise, whatever you read on here is him, spot on without a doubt he's the same in real life. He also drinks like a fish and was necking pints a plenty, therefore far more nailed than any of us were (and we were pretty tipsy ourselves, even the Wise One much to mine and DV's drunken amusement.)

And so the evening carries on and we leave Yates to head for a pub in Newcastle (flummoxed if I can remember the name, never been in there before as I'm more of a clubber type if anything) At this point its just me, DV, Vale66, Valiantitus and a lad called Shoz (one of my mates). Its at this pub where Vale66 aqquires the matches and the topic of conversation turns to Dave the Crewe Fan, then The Dog Catcher, then Tawny, then a couple of others, just the usual drunken talk (you say some stupid things when you're hammered, eh Mr. Parrott?)

Around half 10ish Shoz has left us to head up to Hanley and Valiantitus is out of money, the night is still young though. Then an argument breaks out between our two hero's, god help me if I can remember what it was about. This pretty much kills off the mood and we decide we may as well call it a night (I myself booking a taxi to head off up to Hanley to meet up with Shoz again) .. So, we leave the pub and head to the taxi rank, which is situated close to the Bus Station. It's a fair walk as where we'd been at was a bit out of the town centre. We reach the rank and wait for transport (one to take me to Hanley and then carry on to drop Valiantitus off in Birches Head, and another one to take DV Vale back to Clayton, as well as Vale66 who must of lived near by ??)

And so we're waiting there for a good five minutes, then suddenly we hear a mixture of laughter and screaming from around the corner.......

Vale66 has set Valiantitus on fire, lighting the tail ends of the Wise Ones shirt with the infamous matches we'd aqquired in the pub. Now this isn't a big fire but its fair to say its spreading fast up Valiantitus' back, much to the interest of one or two passing onlooker on the fairly isolated corner.

At this point Vale66 can not hide his amusement and is in hysterics, Valiantitus meanwhile is screaming also out of amusement, flapping his arms about calling himself a "Fire Bird" ..but then he suddenly starts to feel the burning and wail's in agony for us to "put him out" .. At this point I extinguish the flames by padding him down with my own jacket to bring the 10 seconds of complete madness to an end....

At this point DV throws an absolute "Wobbler" at Vale66, who is still completely broken up with laughing so hard. Vale66 then vanishes and it's the last we see of him. No Ambulance is called as Simon insists he's ok, the remaining three of us then get a taxi, firstly to Clayton to drop DV off, then home for me, dropping Valiantitus off just outside Northward near Birches Head. The wise one jumps out of the taxi and with out a word runs home as fast as he can as the taxi pulls away...

Absolute and genuine, I swear to God.... We will not be doing it again in the future, at least not with Vale66 anyway. DV Vale was going beserk.

Are you out there Valiantitus? Are you ok? (too be honest it didn't look too serious when we looked just before getting in the taxi, the biggest casualties of the night were my Jacket and the Wise One's shirt!!

Please heed these words as a case against not inviting a certain Vale66 on any future Twoview trip....